pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
