he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just cropdusted the office
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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