He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
