i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You ate ashes out of my bong
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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