I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
