Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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