miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
