Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just cropdusted the office
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Randomize
