clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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