We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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