This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
