dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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