sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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