this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
