If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
