A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Let's get the cat blown out
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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