Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
