...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
