Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
