he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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