I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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