How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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