I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
