I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
