The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
