Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
