i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
