I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
