I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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