i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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