my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i believe in u and ur pee
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
