I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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