Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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