You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
