i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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