Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
