is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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