Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
