I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
