party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
