i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This is the high leading the old right now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
