I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
