I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
