i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
