Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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