Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
