Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
