Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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