I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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