dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
