Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
