Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
